from sinner to saint

it is now day 13 and your vitals are slowly dropping. i find it hard to stay long in the ICU because it hurts to see you lifeless.

God has been very gentle with me when he decided it was time for you to go home. Sometimes I wonder, did I just lose my husband and best friend? Like this afternoon, Kz and I went to some of the places we frequented as a family and I felt at peace. I had this unexplainable joy in my heart that not even your absence could take away. I feel like you have been embedded into the core of my being, and even if I no longer see you or talk to you, I can still feel you and your love for me. Remember all those stores you wished I would buy something from? I finally went inside most of them and bought some clothes for Kz and myself. Everything I do now, I think about you. Is this what you would have wanted me to do? Are you proud of what I am feeling now, of how I am coping? It's like you are still around trying to do the very best things for Kz and me...

I also bought white clothes for Kz and me to wear on the 'goodbye' day... it didn't hurt as much as I expected. Because I know bey, this is not goodbye. You just went home ahead of us and someday we will see each other again I know.

I am not a widow and Kz is not half an orphan. You will always remain my husband and best friend and Kz's daddy. I will be missing you, but I will always have your love to inspire me like always. In my dream the other night, you told me to read 2 Corinthians chapter 2 verse 4..."For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote unto you with many tears; not that ye should be grieved, but that ye might know the love which I have more abundantly unto you"... Even in this circumstance, your love has never left me..

This is a never ending love story bey... we're blessed to have found our happily ever after with each other. It has been and will always be my honor to be your wife... 

... until we meet again.