from sinner to saint

Today, Kz and I went to church and they all prayed for Floren's healing. On the way there, you heard my cries while I was driving the car. Why, only 5 weeks ago, there used to be 3 of us riding the car on our way to church, and now it's just Kz and me. The front passenger seat which Daddy used to occupy is as empty as my heart.You saw the loneliness, and thank you for the comfort.

You had a word for me today. You said I only need to thank you and continue praising you for you have already done it. I wonder which among the things I asked you meant. For Floren's brain to heal and for him to live again, or, for the peace and comfort if ever he's not coming back to me? You also told me to focus on thanking you and not on my present situation. I am asking, please reveal yourself to me.

Yet you have given me back that hope I let go. Remember, two days ago in the ICU, I surrendered my heart to you and returned my love for Floren back to you. With that submission came the peace that Floren is now in your presence. I joyfully accepted that I have become a widow at 30, and Kz , fatherless at 3, knowing that YOU are still in control and trusting that you have wonderful plans which I may not be able to see for now as my eyes are filled with grief at losing the half of my life.

I haven't stopped believing that you can restore Floren back to life. I still ask you, don't I? But i have also asked you for an obedient heart, a heart that will gladly follow your will for my life knowing that you only have the best in store for me.

You whispered into my ear that the reason I live in this world is to worship you and glorify you. Not to live my life for myself, but for you. All else is vanity before you. You desire my heart, the totality of the being you made after your own image. My life was not for Floren or nor was his life for me. But because of your love, you have led us to each other. Floren was just a reward, a 'bonus' to give me happiness. Our dreams, our love are just things that give me joy as I make my life's journey towards my final destination- which is in your presence. Our marriage was a treat from you. Because in the end, there is only YOU.

So I am giving it all back to you with thanksgiving. I have been blessed. You made me taste heaven on earth with Floren's love for me. Our marriage was perfect, and I am not saying this for anything else, but it is the truth. Our 7 years together was like 70 years quality wise. You gave me a husband, lover, bestfriend,brother,father,protector,champion,number one supporter, and life partner in him.Thank you for the love. If it is your will to take him home now, I am still blessed to have experienced this rare true love with him. I will let him go, because I know, your love for him is greater. Thank you that I still have Kz, and thank you that all I will remember are happy memories for everyday I had with Floren were simply joy filled.

But I will still continue to hope Lord, because I believe nothing is impossible for you.

I will continue to hope floren will wake up whole, because I continue to love...