from sinner to saint

Dear Bey,

I miss you.

Its been 10 days since………., and somehow Ive managed to survive beautifully, thanks to the comfort God is giving me and to the memory of our love.

I miss your snores at night

I miss waking up next to you

I miss the way u embrace me so tightly at night

I miss your waking me up in the middle of the night just to tell me you love me so much

I miss hearing you walk around the room early in the morning

I miss the sound of the keyboard clicking at 5 in the morning

I miss seeing you play red alert after dinner

I miss making kulit with you and asking u silly questions about the games u play

I miss playing kangaroo jack and scrabble and many other games with you

I miss pounding the bathroom door at 7am and telling u to hurry up or youll be late again for work

I miss giving out your allowance every morning

I miss preparing your baon to work

I miss driving you to the office, and I miss singing all those corny songs with you in the car.

I miss kissing you byebye each time u go to work

I miss your frequent calls in the morning, noon and afternoon just to check how Kz and I are doing and to ask if we’ve already eaten or showered

I miss the sound of the doorbell at 7pm and the kiss and hug that u greet me with

I miss the crazy stories u tell me about ur day at work

I miss the way you used to bring me and Kz to the office/field with you just because you felt better with us near you.

I miss the way you brought home 'leftovers' from company lunch or birthdays at the office just because you hated eating something delicious without me and KZ . I miss that thoughtfulness I've never ever seen in another human being.

I miss the this and that trinkets you sometimes bring home for me and Kz, like when you brought home a simple box from the office because you thought it looked nice and you knew I would love it. Or the occasional toys for Kz, especially the pink teddy bear which you carried on your lap on the 1hour bus-ride home, not caring about the stares you got from other men hehehe.

I miss cooking for you and the way you praised and appreciated and how you were honest with me if you thought it was too salty or overcooked.

I miss eating dinner with you

I miss putting all my leftovers on your plate

I miss calling u to ask what would u like me to cook for u

I miss the way u make the bed for me before we go to sleep

I miss the back scratching we give each other everytime we have itching attacks

I miss having you beside me all the time

I miss the way u make me laugh

I miss the way u make me feel secure with ur love

I miss the way u love me and Kz

I miss the way you mess up our closet

I miss the pool of water in our bathroom after you've taken a shower and played with the spray hose

I miss the way u cook breakfast for me on weekends

I miss the coffee that greets me when I wake up

I miss our regular strolls

I miss holding ur hands

I miss the crazy stares we give each other when we read each other’s minds.

I miss the funny faces you make whenever you’re happy and feel too manly to admit it

I miss your patience while we go around the mall trying to find something I would like to buy only to end up buying toys for Kz

I miss the way you would worry if a week went by and I haven't read a single book and how you would ask me if everything was okay. Or how you would give me an afternoon off taking care of Kz just so I could finish my novel.

I miss the way you pamper and spoil me like a queen, giving me carte blanche on your ATM and credit cards =))

I miss our going out of the house at 12 in the midnight just because you wanted to drink Pepsi

I miss buying cassava suman for you every week

I miss having someone to make “lambing” to each time I want to eat something, and I miss the way you would lovingly smile and not complain if I told you to go to the grocery because I wanted something.

I miss having someone to do the heavy and dirty household chores for me

I miss the way you hang the laundry for me, or when you mop the floor for me.

I miss seeing you wash the dishes at night despite the fact that your tired from the office just because you wanted me to relax 'coz I did the cooking.

I miss the way you scold me if you saw me doing something stressful

I miss it when you tell me to relax and enjoy while you pamper me

I miss having someone to carry my handbag for me while we’re out

I miss eating out and the food orders you make which complement my choice of food.

I miss walking around the furniture, home and appliances section of the mall while we “search” for the perfect things for our future home in CDO.

I miss every moment we have

I miss praying with you before we go to sleep

I miss the long talks we had about our dreams and plans

I miss the occasional evaluation of our marriage we did to make ours more beautiful

I miss my best friend and lover

I miss the way you take care of me and Kz

I miss the way you frequently tell me how happy you are with US

I miss making love with you.

I miss the way u hold my breasts at night so u can go to sleep

I miss so much more…

I miss us, you, kz and me

And im wondering if this very moment you miss us too.. if deep down that dead brain, you still remember love…

Love is beyond what the brain and heart tells us…I know our love is etched deep into the very soul of you, something, not even a clinically dead brain would forget,,,

I love you and I am counting the days when we could be finally US again, and this time, I am sure what we will be sharing will be much better than the best love we have been sharing for 7 years now…

And if the Lord decides it is time to take you home, I will joyfully let go. I will understand that even if you have to go first, you remain loyal to our promises of “walang iwanan”, because you will continue to be there for me, only that you are in Heaven, praying for me. I will be more blessed because I will have an angel who looks after me with all his love.