Thursday, June 24, 2010
its been a while since I posted something here.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
After 7 months, I'm finally back here in Dubai. I do not know yet what God's plans are for me, and why He brought me back here...all I know is that I need to trust only in Him, and in His perfect love for me.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
found this one on the internet :
Monday, January 11, 2010
wrote this one before 2009 ended but forgot to post it online......
His death brought out a Destiny I never knew was capable of such strength and grace amidst the pain.
The Destiny he saw all along, the woman he had always wanted me to see and extract from my innermost being.
Had he thought of me otherwise, I believe he would have pleaded with God to extend his life. Instead he joyfully submitted to the voice that called him home to heaven because he trusted God and knew that if I did too , everything will not only be okay, but beautiful.
Yet where am now? What have I done with my life in the 6 months I’ve been widowed?
I’m no longer the woman Floren cherished on his last days.
I gave drama to the angst I felt on his demise that our love lost its splendor behind all the tragedy ive created
I used my grief as an excuse for all the mistakes I did and am still doing. Now I realize that the mourning has to end for it is exhausting me and everyone else around.
So I will spend the remaining days of the last year Floren graced searching for his destiny.
Maybe, just maybe, I may have secretly left her beside Floren’s grave the day we buried his body.
I have lived, loved and lost.
The tears of the woman who has lost have dried up.
Now it’s time for the woman who has loved and who will continued loving , to live…
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
I'm not the first woman to lose a husband, I'm not the only widow in the world and I'm not the youngest either.
Labels: moving on
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Ive been writing about my grief for 6 months now in hopes that with each word that comes out of my heart, the pain will slowly subside. Ive also tried crying each night, wishing each teardrop would wash away the emptiness and fill my heart with dreams of a happy new life.183 days since I last heard his voice and grazed his lips with mine…. 169 days since my heart stopped beating along with his…
Oh sure other people miss him, but they go on with their lives. Even people whose lives he had touched, people whose lives he was a big part of. I envy them. And I know they sometimes get bored hearing the laments of a young widow. So they tell me life has to go on, it will soon be beautiful for me. I know it will be, but how do I explain that I will never be whole again after he died? He was my husband for heaven’s sake, the God-ordained OTHER HALF of me. Yes, in time I will move on, perhaps fall in love again. But there will always be a part of me who will remain his wife and his widow, a part that will forever hurt and mourn his passing and miss him in each happy and sad moment of my life.
That unless you've love somebody with literally ALL your life,and want nothing else but to be his partner and the mother of his kids, build your dreams around the two of you, live your life in total submission to him, and be that rib that was taken away from him to form you, unless your hearts beat together in synchrony and your souls have been merged as one, and unless death takes away that person, will it be easy for you to understand why no matter how I try to be strong, the thought of living the next 30 years of my life without him makes me feel like my crumbling world has just been put into an incinerator...
it hurts when you get rejected by the ones you like. it's agonizingly painful when your lover leaves you. devastating to see your marriage end in divorce. it's excruciatingly painful to lose a parent or a family member. so how does it feel when a spouse you loved and was exceedingly happy with dies?
I thought I was okay, and yes I am okay. I will be okay. So why does it still hurt so much like as if I just buried him yesterday?
Labels: moving on
.... i would like to share the lyrics of the song "First Love" by silverwind. This was released during the 80's. I really hope to find a copy of this song...
But wanting to be seen
Just wanting only
Your anointing
They say you rise
When you get older
All I know is I've grown colder
Take me back to first love
to the place where i once was
where my passion was just obeying
And prayer was sweet
The sweetest thing I knew
And everything was possible with You
Take me to the place of my first love with You
The place of my first love with You
Labels: songs
